bless my feet with wings.

And I used to miss you so much, but it never seemed like you missed me,
I guess because of that I stopped missing you.
— One Tree Hill


CLARK QUAY PART I











(i like this best! up there, thanks to sardine.)















alright, thats aload of photos.
but this is only part I if you notice.
there's a load more in sardine's iphone.
freak tired.
my legs as if dislocated from me already.
collected A's cert from school.
it feels so long ever since the last time i stepped out.
there's a forum session going on, & luckily we didnt get to see mr sas.
yeah/boo.
ate mac, again, yes.
then off to town!
alighted at heeren and there was this guy blabbering whatsoever.
i thought he wanted to check my bag and i almost gave it to him. (LOL)
but sardine rejected his whatsoever request and i got stunned for a moment before realising what happened.
seriously think that my brain is being punched cause i never felt so dead and dumb before.
heeren feel so dead and silent.
went to this accessories shop and both of us each got ourselves a headband @3.90$ and 4.90$ respectively.
it was really nice and most importantly, its unique. to me.
heeren got a little bored, head on to 313@somerset.
sardine got herself a shorts at cotton on cause its having a big sales over there, islandwide too.
she could have gotten two but there was nothing left when she came out from the fitting room.
see how singaporeans acted whenever GSS is here?
swift, fast, godly.
this is around 3plus, it has already started to drizzle.
head to orchardcentral. for mega strong air-condition.
the sweetalk's milktea w/o pearl there is freak nice.
freakkkkkkk niceeeeeee.
okay. let me emphasize again.
its freakkkk niceeee.
next was plaza sing.
we head towards sasa cause sardine requested.
i was totally happy plus elated plus excited when she said she could get me something personally as my birthday gifts.
i was super uber touched.
like superman touched.
so, i got myself a mascara thats on sales and another foundation.
sardine got her heated curler, foundation and the padding for it.
really really happy girls. (thanks aload!)
it continues to drizzle.
& i really hated the feeling of droplets dropping on your face when you have make-ups on.
though not really heavy ones, but still, i hate it.
therefore, we took 190 to clarkquay outside PS.
went to thecentral, waiting for drizzle to turn to none.
ate long john for dinner.
this is around 7plus already.
(i skipped some parts of the journey, cause now not only my legs are tired,
my hands and brain are too.)
off to clarkquay then.
saw really havoac places like the pubs&clubs area.
you know, the place where rebel and zirca are in.
my god.
i think im really still innocent luh.
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk.
finally saw timbre.
wanted to just try order buffalo wings for fun so that i could just sit in but on second thought, we'll wait for another trip cause its really kinda waste of money, especially so after what we splurged on in the afternoon.
we'll wait then. (for dear chewbaka)
saw timbre, could rest in peace to go home already.
190-ed home and tada.
mad tired.

"i am happy. and thats the saddest lie."

you're not real and you cant save me.

I don’t know what I’ve gained from loving you, but the need for anyone else is what I’ve lost.


yay!
i finally have a table desk on my own!
all i need now is just a nice lovely table lamp.
of course, a chair to go with it too.
im so task-oriented it seems.
papi say i can shift the whole hi-fi set into my room too!
means i can listen to FMs and CDs as and when!
oh gosh, im so gonna love my room!
i guess the next thing im going to shop for is those movable clothes-hanging-stand.
then i can have infinite clothes to hang on in my room,
like those drsssing room at the backstage.
reeling with anticipation.
going to town tomorrow with sardine.
im really excited about it cause im finally able to take a look at the night sky among the nightlife.
yes.
after for so long.

just that i still dont know what to wear tomorrow.

"trust is like a mirror. you can fix it if its broken.
but you can still see the cracks in that motherfcking reflection."
-telephone

"forever after" ?

because forever after only happens in fairytales.
(they said these umpteen times yet girls still dont get it.)


i got to admit, but yes, some parts of the movie i felt crappy.
or was it..touched?
damn it.
"true love kiss"?
funny as it is, cause i never get to believe in such fairytales again.
OH BY THE WAY, the terminal is a freaking niceee and meaningful show (;

caught shrek forever after the final chapter with cy.
freaking godly.
made me wait even though he lives this close to cck(-.-)
oh, gotta say he looks a little slimmer than before, more tanned and definitely nicer in his bald head.
truly.
look what ns had done to the guys.
positively, i mean.
but pardon me cause i haven list all the worst ones.
especially how he sat in the theatres.
feel like shifting a few seats away from him.
(no la, seriously im kidding.)
the way he sat in his seat is freaking cool.
but im way cool-er with style.
shrek was good i must say.
hmm, of course, it cannot be compared to action movies which feeds on your visual satisfaction most of the time.
nonetheless, it does still appeals to me with some laughters here and there.
trained back to yt and ate mcnugget meal.
sometimes i wonder if im out with a wall/stone/rock for movies and lunch.
but well, this non-living thing has quite a substantial amount of entertainment value, even without speaking.
then off to stagmont park to snack on peanut butter and qoo.
heehee.
swing isnt occupied.
when was the last time i sat on one? hmm.
home i went and off to bugis for non-living thing.

idk if its delibrate or not,
but the peanut butter is mostly blue in colour!
i was totally stunned when i looked in the packet of m&m.
freaking god.
blue leh people.
if its delibrate, i was kinda touched actually.
but well, if its not, then
im still touched as well, im just lucky i guess.
hahas.
i was alittle hesitant to eat it cause its my godamn favourite colour!
evil wall/stone/rock(-.-)
slept after eating it.
the wrapper is still on my bedside then.
i can imagine ants crawling already!


"Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, give someone, do for someone - it will never be enough. And you have to decide if it’s worth it to keep throwing your heart at their feet, so that they can walk all over it one more time."
-extracted.

whats stopping you?

THE KILLER IS HERE: GSS.


its family day today.
its really a nice day out together as a whole.
i really look forward to such days in future.
but then again, bro's going in to army soon. :(
ARGH.
then all the responsibilities will be ON ME. (lols)
now i hate growing up. hate turning 19 soon.
haha. but well, people grow up. people mature. people change.
first stop today was bugis.
of course, its vesak day, mind you.
and bro's going to army, ahma had been nagging about getting an amulet for him.
so yeah, make it today then.
my bros, mummy and i each had one.
second stop was balestier/wampoa(?) for lunch-dinner.
i should have photographed at the table full of food!
there were duck rice, hokkien mee, oyster egg, satay, sugarcane drinks.
my god.
cant get enough of the duck wings. simply delicious!
third stop; amk hub.
shopping time!
the tempting GSS is here and well, me bros and i couldnt really resist the temptations then.
its normal i guess.(even for guys okay.)
i went to rubi while bros went to cotton on next door.
bought 2new flats instantly, and a gold flip necklace.
bros bought 2 vintage tees.
before that, W already got himself a top for 48.90$ at the second level.
really not sure if its the girls that got killed by all these sales, or the guys just did.
happy girl and happy boys :)
followed papi alone to toastbox while mummy and the boys went to collect luckydraw items.
papi actually suggested coffeebean but i voiced that its kinda expensive?
off to toastbox then, found a seat among the others which were already occupied.
lucky.
i really love being with papi alone, idk why.
its just, blessed i guess?
or maybe i just yearn for that all along. :)
last stop was of course home sweet home.
full, tired, ride home, blessed, nice.
tuition in the morning tomorrow, money!

P/S. all my flats up there, excluding other shoes+sandals...(opps)
and i only got a pair of feet.

life keeps getting in the way
whenever we try,
somehow the plan is always rearranged.

we pretend that we don't see it.

I'M COLLECTING MY FIRST 150$ (FULL AMT) TODAY!
then I'm gonna part 100$ to papi.
YAY.
HAPPY TTM.

SHOW.

'I never liked you' never sound as bad as 'I thought I liked you', or was it?



FREAKS. SAW THAT?
its show's signature.
its real.
my god.
FREAKS. SAW THAT?
heehee.
but its not mine.
LOL.

i just got my one day pay today and i spree-d it on flarel's bd present.
gosh. freak me.
eyebrow pencil too.
bought it just for mere fun(-.-)
seriously.
okay, i wanna get a earhole at my tragus.
hmm..
when huh?
when is a good day?
before my 19th?
(shrugs)

oh. and i dont get it.
whats wrong with hanging out with girlfriends at night?
which isnt very late still, its 8~10pm?
seriously!
come on, we're 19, not 9.
the tenth placing makes a whole load of difference.
dont treat us like we're still kids with no mind of our own.
at least, 2hours a week devoted to friends isnt too much to ask, is it?
and its not in some faraway dangerous place, clark quay for example.
its in a condo, if you want it, its protected.(-.-)
whatever it is, its OVER-protection.
OVER.
OVER.
OVER.
say it yourself,
its OVER-protective.


人生不如意十之八九, yeah?

stronger and wiser.

you can run away, but i will not chase after you.


its nice chatting with mummy during bedtime.
instead of bedtime stories(for kids), its bedtime chattings.
and i kinda like that, cause i dont feel so alone anymore.
alright,i do feel alone sometimes.
but well, there's always my family.
and frequent chattings help to bond, isnt it?
i rather stay at home watching tv with my dad nowadays too.
oh, so, we were chatting about mummy's love life.
and i came to realise that SHE is a playgirl.
oh my freaking god.
and its always the guy who came begging for her whenever they're through.
yes, it was only then, i found out that guys value girls more in the past than now!
which is really a saddening truth.
freak.
but well, lucky girls now dont have to depend on guys like they do.
thumb-ups.
im really happy that i had such mum, granny,
and dad.
i saw they aged and i really cant help thinking further.
i do want to contribute to my family.
&& i saw how i used to detest them, with my fcking darn attitudes.(those were the times where i forsake kinship for romance.)
fcking dumb, fcking immature.
it was after we're done that i recalled what my papi said:
"family doesnt quit, boyfriends do."
ahh, so much for all those quarrellings back then.
i shouldnt have sacrifice them for you.
cause in the end, you just fulfilled what my papi warned! (lols)

okay,im just flabbergasted by my mummy's love life.

P/S. will date a guy >2years older. (but never get tied down. LOL)

“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”
— Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)

life's too short to make it go to waste.

the world just gained another clever freed single lady.

P/S. LIFE, here I come!

let the end begin.

Because some people hang on when they really should let go.


i see through humanity.
we are nothing but selfish bastards. (alright, maybe bitches too.)
yawns.

"You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways."
— Chuck Palahniuk [Fight Club]

'dstop shutting myself out.

"I hate the way you can push me to my limits with the things you do and then you know just the right time to say something sweet to make me fall in love all over again and I forget every little reason I was mad."


who says friday nights have to be spend out?
i always thought fridays have to be a night out, (well, maybe when i get into uni i guess?)
but it can simply (or maybe best) be spent at home.
catching up times that i'd never with my family.
even then, my dad and W will be out with their friends/gf,
but nevertheless, i start to appreciate having my family around me.
because on 4th june, (which will be really soon), another bro will be in army.
im totally drowned.
all the guys are disappearing in my life!
okay, now i sound desperate. (but i assure im not.)
so well, till i find some really good buddies to fridays night out, i guess i'll be staying at home, just for the time being. (as usual)
without you, i used to think fridays are pathetic days. but now, they seemed more meaningful and worthwhile.

met up with panda and sardine last night.
spent wholly 2hours chatting non-stop @the warren poolside.
all the chattings?
ironically, gave me calmness in my heart.
something that we've not been doing for the longest time.
argh, shucks.
makes me seriously fell in love with schooldays.
aww.
went home when im done drinking mine and sardine's mocha. (LOL.)
okay, now i wanna drink starbucks & chill.

"maybe my walls are brick, and his are stone."

"why does each man kills the thing they love?"

“And it’s not that you hurt me that is so hard for me right now; it’s more that I believed every word you said, and I thought you were different. I thought maybe, just maybe, you changed. I blocked everyone else out because I fell for the shit you said. But the hardest part isn’t any of that. It’s that I honestly believed you.”

I miss this feeling.
totally.
watch the next.

"I also hate people to ask cheerfully how you are when they know you’re feeling like hell and expect you to say ‘fine.’"


"The mind selects, enhances and betrays; happenings fade from memory; people forget one another and, in the end, all that remains is the journey of the soul, those rare moments of spiritual revelation. What actually happened isn’t what matters, only the resulting scars and distinguishing marks."
-Paula, Isabel Allende

update yesterday's event soon, once I really wake up from that darn dream.
literally okay.
it's really a dream I dreamt.
okay, i'm making it worse.
it's just a dream.
I'm feeling sleepy, that's all!

i look so good. (without you)

i bought a pair of green contacts!
finally.
but it isnt very obvious, which makes me really sad.
well, at least i got it.
im having a date with sardine tomorrow for movies: shrek forever after.
and yes, for after so long.
and i realised i havent step into lot1 for a very long time too.
okay, now i sound like a loser.

there are several things im craving:
1. the last last last last earhole i promised. cause 7 makes a good number.
2. hit the town to timbre with rebecca and sardine. of course, if more want to join, its gonna be better i bet.
3. get a blue/violet/red contacts AGAIN.
4. get a red hair.
5. trust & love my family members and never others.

okay, the list isnt exhaustive.
but i cant think of any more now.

panda has been fretting over university stuffs.
i understand the predicarment whereby you envy and even gets jealous over people who gets into the locals,
but we should brace ourselves.
set a moment to think.
there are others out there repeating their alevels,
people having nowhere to go and ready for appeals.
yes, the grass is always greener on the otherside.
but believe me, there are sheeps that do go starving.
be glad there's a spot for you.
and you can soar too, beyond boundaries.
be confident,panda(:

alright, should phone sardine soon(-.-)
and discreetly.
(lols.)

You had me pinned in this exact situation before.

You wanted so much space, too much space.
We were ten minutes apart yet i'd see you only a few days out of the week and hear form you once a day.
You never did anything nice for me, never went out of your way to say you loved me, nothing. But yet i stood by you, i took this, and i thought maybe if i were different, you would love me.

You see, i was different. It was you that was never different.
I'm letting go completely this time. I'm growing without you. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. It'll be harder than before but easier in the long run.

And i will build myself up, i will fall in love with myself, so that next time you come around I'm strong enough to not make the same mistake twice.

FREAK NAISEEEEEE.

facts and lies.

I dream about quite impossible stuffs. Fact.
I am extremely rational. Fact.
I am lazy and have myself to blame for my results. Fact.
I am overjoyed that I don't need to work for nearly 1/2 a month. Fact.
I don't regret my choice. Fact.
I don't need a partner, only want someone to talk to. Fact.
I've a back up plan that I'm afraid that will come true. Fact.

I don't miss you. Lie.
I won't miss you. Another lie.
I didn't regret on my actions. Yet a lie.
I will learn to be a better person. The worst lie of all.

extracted okay.
obviously isn't the case for me.
lalala.
in short, despite all...life's not as bad.

"The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad."
-John Mayer

beautiful disaster.(you looked fine to me, so I should too)

I'm amazed this time at my recovery speed.
alright, let's put it this way.
I know I've tried my best at salvaging things but sometimes in life, things don't always work out the way you want it to be.
but at the least, I tried.
I'm answerable to myself, even if the answers to my questions remain a mystery, from now on.
it's just another failed relationship I guess.
now, I looked at the bigger picture in my life, it doesn't revolve around you anymore.
my family, my friends.
in some ways or another, I begin to see I don't deserve all these entrapment.
maybe it's all better to end it now than later.
I'm sorry if I dragged it for 24hours since yesterday till this morning.
well, I know I sucked.
with, and also without you.
if I ever remembered, character difference is way too convinient a reason.

maybe all of us have ended in the last 6 years ago.
how silly to not take the signs!
I don't know what else to put to words already.
like, maybe you will find a way better girl for yourself and I a better guy?
oh gosh, come on.
maybe I'll just speak to you again 2 years down the road?
yeah. maybe.
you made me realised some things in life that are worth my attention and some, unfortunately, not.
I don't think I'm worth it to you too.
about the toying part, I'd never once believe it. up to you to believe me or not luh, it's useless. lols.
and really, thanks for continuing those unnecessary conversation, I had just woken up from it. and that is why I writing this.

oh how I missed school days.
and really, I don't know why I gave a shit writing all of these.
but I won't start counting down to nothing stupidly again, like the 2009 me.
find yourself someone that suits you more but never promise her anything.
because in the end, you took not her body but her entire soul (:

its time.

fcking funny about me is that i held on to things that aint mine in the first place.
or well, maybe its mine but im not to others.
ha ha ha.

well, i'll take things lightly from now.
because its no use getting sad over such things when others dont, you see.
one said he didnt know if he likes me in the first place,
the other gave me up even though he still likes me. (or is it? lols)
its funny la.
my life. really.
always unrequited in the end(-.-)

yes la, its crazy.
so long people! (:
hiatus.

for you, out there.
this may sound politically right but yes, nothing helps now.
its not difficult to change for the person i truly love, or i thought he did too.
im happy as long as im with that special guy.
i gave it my all, no matter who the guy is that appears in my life.
when you said our characters differs and yet the love is still there,
i dont get it.
shldnt love overcome that mere character thing?
if i didnt give up, why should you?
because you cant take it anymore?
i know why it pains me so much is because i cant take it lying like this.
its like a death sentence without all the procedures.
this just doesnt fit my bill.
but nothing it is now.
you said we aint even look like lovers.
wow. that really hurts.
it doesnt boils down to what i want, you just want it your way. and thats that.
im more than willing to change and really, it shldnt be this serious.
haiya, maybe i think it all too simply.
give you up? ha ha.
how easy can this go?
its stupid that we both still have feelings, but we're not together.
fuck the guy that says loving is not being together.
tell me what kind of a theory is that.
dumb fuck.
im over you already.
thats how easy it gets, fuck.

the "did-my-best" thing.

they always say everything happens for a reason.
and its because of the many reasons, things so did happen.
i remember that bit*h gp tutor said a very true thing,
its easier to work hard for someone else than for yourself.
the motivation works better and more effective that way.
something that i totally agreed with her, and probably the only thing i did.
yes, j1 i started dozing off in math lecture. gave myself an excuse that the lecture hall is actually one hypnotizing place, whenever i walked in, there's this aura that would push me to sleep.
alright, thats really an excuse now i looked back and trying to blog this.
then yes, physics isnt really exactly the type of interesting subject too. and what's worst is they get all the lkk lecturers to lecture on every other more important topics, those really major ones.
then what's left for ladies to do when our eyes are deprived of pleasant things to look at other than staring at all those lkk guy lecturer standing infront of the whole cohore, we started to practise oral i guess?
so, there goes physics lecture each time.

so my foundation is almost without its base right from the start.
plus being blinded and clouded at such a young age is really what pains me.
i was freaking dumb enough to go into a relationship which comes to an end sooner than i thought.
so delete that part of time, effort and youth,
maybe my alevels grades would be much more satisfying.
and everything dates and boils back to my immaturity and freaking damaged brain, not being able to think ahead.

so what really dawned on me is that,
the "did-my-best" thing?
no such thing.

you, and your beautiful soul.

Frustration is playing a role for you in the day's events, Gemini, and this may affect progress in your romantic affairs. If it feels like you are experiencing obstacles in the way of getting what you want, you want to ignore the emotional uprise that will occur as a result. If you are not careful, these frustrations are going to lead to actions that are rash and regrettable, and your infamous temper has no place in the events of the day. This is a day where you are going to need to work very hard towards counting to ten before you say or do anything you will regret later.

get literature.

Thou art to me a delicious torment.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"if you want forgiveness, get a religion."
-spiderman 3

revived...only to be gone.

fml.
i deleted all my messages from him in the past,
those that were really sweet ones.
really sweet words bringing sweet touch and memories.

it pains me now.
f me, totally.

mummy's day.

after meeting love on friday night,
got home at approx 12:25am.
since waking up at 4am to head off to msia, i rather not sleep cause waking up from lack-of-time-to-sleep can really piss me off. totally.
love accompanied me for awhile even though he is sleepy and tired himself.
plus a headache popping from nowhere.
off he went to bed while i stoned on my own's.
so i dint catch a wink, head off to msia.
cut off all the events that happened in msia,
i got back to sg only at 11pm yesterday.
head off for supper at bugis with the whole family.
W drove us home afterwards, and went off to somewhere else, prolly gf's home again.
he's hardly at his own home.

okays, and i really wanna announce some things i experienced in msia:
1. there was a australian-mixed-blood guy, totally a hunk. *drools* but he's half a head shorter than i do. *ignores already!*
2. savouring the long-lost pig's blood! omg, though it isnt that nice as the ones compared to sg during my nursery times, it was pig's blood. my family's all time favourite. (until they banned it in sg. !@#$%^&*)
3. fireflies are really beautiful. i realised i could actually enjoy appreciating insects too.
4. bought a raulph lauren polo and a vintage blue-brown shoulder school bag.

took loads of photos.
bro will tag me tmr he promised.
well, by then(:

P/S. should head to get some beauty sleep, but argh. hair still wet like hell.

three hours later.

im accepted into ntu.

this is revenge.

WISHLIST ON THE GO
1. that bag from bugis.
2. green/red/hazel contacts
3. volume mascara
4. shiseido eyeliner
5. international buffet
6. 10 new tops
7. 10 new bottoms

NO LA.
KIDDING.
i just wanna get into a local university, which i think i can only help myself with that.
and i want to be with love forever, which i think its also another matter that only i can help myself in.
well, 2 wishes that seems simple, but almost unreachable.
(:

❥P/S. but ultimately, i want love, (and everybody else) to be happy everyday.

spark.

what is wrong with me.

self-actualization.

i realised my dad could be like some others' dad, making concessions for me.
i realised my mum could be like some others' mum, splurging on the things i wanted.
i realised i could be like people's daughter, to be more obedient to my parents.
i realised my family could be like how i used to envy others', giving the encouragement and support that we needed all along.

and i realised that i couldnt be more childish and wild back then.

P/S. i will appeal till i get my damn ass into university. because, i believe. (thanks alien:)