sin-s.

knowing someone else having interview letters or even better, acceptance letters dont really make my day.
cause it seems that i dont even have that chance to receive such letters.
oh god.

stolen time cloaked in shame.

im supposed to have a new shoulder bag back home today):

'when two people are connecting, they hunger for information about each other, a silver of what life is like when you're not together, a glimspe into their past, a peek into their mind, all in hopes of getting under their skin. at the least he should be asking what kind of underwear you're wearing.'

over and out.

-'he's just not that into you if he's not dating you. hanging out is not dating.'
'ok, there seem to be so many variations to dating, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. so many gray, murky areas of vagueness, mystery, and no questions asked. dudes love this time because thats when they get to pretend they're not really responsible for your feelings. when you ask someone out on a real bonafide date, you're making it official: i'd like to see you alone to find out if we have a romantic future together. in case you need more clues: there's usually a public excursion, a meal, and some hand-holding involved.'
'men, just like women, want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to become serious. one way they do that is by laying claim to it. they actually want to say "im your boyfriend" or "i'd like to be your boyfriend" or "if you ever break up with that other guy who's not your boyfriend, i'd like to be your boyfriend." a man who's really into you is going to want you all to himself. and why wouldnt he, hot stuff?'
'oh, how easy it is for you to forget what its about! let me remind you: its about the guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. he wants to see you more and more often because every time he sees you, he likes and then loves you more and more. i know. every two weeks, once a month, seeing someone, having a little love and affection may help you get through the day or week or the month-but will it help you geet through a lifetime?'
'from this moment on, right now, as you read this, make this solemn vow about your future romantic relationships: no more murky, no more gray, no more unidentified, and no more undeclared. and if able, try to know someone as best you can before you get naked with them.'
'if you dont know where the relationship is going, its okay to pull over and ask.'

-'he's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you. when men like you, they want to touch you, always.'
'if he were into you, he would be having a hard time keping his paws off you. oh, the simplicity of all! if a man is not trying to undress you, he's not into you.'
'ahh, here comes the big "fear of intimacy" debate. is there such a thing? many, many people are in therapy for it, a lot of self-help books are dedicated to it, a lot of shitty behavior is excused beacuse of it. sure, many people have been hurt in the past, and now have a fear of intimacy. but guess what? if a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being wiht you-including a fear of intimacy. he may run and get his butt into therapy if there's some serious problem, but he'll never keep you in the dark.'
'the egyptians painted pots about it, the yogis writebooks about it, the jews have made religious laws about it. they all believe that one of the strongest ingredients to a healthy union is sex. one of the great joys in life is that you get to have sex. the last person who should be stopping you from enjoying that is the person you're dating.'
'if you're tempted to spend countless nights just cuddling with someone, buy a puppy.'

-'he's just not into you if he's having sex with someone else. there's never going to be a good excuse for cheating.'
'and in case he tells yo that it just "happened", please remember, cheating doesnt just "happen". its not as accident as in "oops, i just slipped and fell into a sexual relationship with someone else." it was planned and executed with full knowledge that it could end your relationship. know this: if he's sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesnt even like you all that much.'
'if something is wrong in a relationship, here's a bright, mature idea: talk about it. dont let any man blame you for their infidelity. ever.'
'you cant balme a man for having feelings. you love someone, you break up, you still have feelings. thank god for that really. but having feelings doesnt mean you have to have sex. that required him to take his feeling and use them to be somewhere alone with his beloved, undress her, kiss her, and do all the other things that involved with having sexual intercourse with someone. hooray for feelings. just keep them in your pants.'
'lets call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.'
'the beginning of two people getting together is such a fragile, tender time. maybe its the last fling before the final committment. if its early in a relationship, it can be hard to know if the guy is just getting something out of his system, and its a one-time thing, or if its a guy who's just a big jerk. thats the thing about dating-you're having intimate experiences with someone who, at the end of the day, you dont know very well. all i can think of is, how sad to be having that conversation in the beginning of things, when everything is supposed to be cozy and snug and people are usually on their best behavior.'
'there is no excuse for cheating. let me say it again. there is no excuse for cheating. now you say it. there is no excuse for cheating.'
'a cheater only cheats himself, because he doesnt get to be with you.'

sometimes, or perhaps most of the time, love does make people blind.
they do, and always will, cloud your judgment.
update the rest of the chapters tmr again.

move on to what will surely be better territory.

'he's just not that into me' that im reading now really amazed me.
some things that you must know how a guy thinks and how girls shouldnt waste any time on guys that are really just not into you. face it girls.

'men are not complicated, although we'd like you to think we are. we are driven by sex, although we like to pretend otherwise. and sadly (and most embarrassingly), we would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply,"you are not the one." we are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both-or even worse, cry and yell at us. we are pathetic. but the fact remains, even though we may not be saying it, we are absolutely showing it all the time.
if a dude isnt calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he's dating you, then you already have your answer. stop making excuses for him;his actions are screaming the truth: he's just not that into you.'

'...because those movies dont get made, because thats not what love is like. people are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in chance you'll have of getting it. you're worth it.'

-'he's just not into you if he's not asking you out, because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.'
'men find it satisfying to get what they want. if we want you, we will find you. if you dont think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.'
'just because you like to lead doesnt mean he wants to dance. some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.'
'dont get tricked into asking him out. if he likes you, he'll do the asking.'
'men dont forget how much they like you. so put down the phone.'

-'he's just not that into you if he's not calling you. men know how to use the phone.'
'oh sure, they say they're busy. they say they didnt have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick p the phone. bullshit. we may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. we like taking a break from our gnerally mundane day to talk to someone we like. it makes us happy. and we like to be happy. just like you. if i were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. which would be a day that i would never be too busy to call you.'
'yes, it seems like its just a machine that transmits voice waves over wires and comes in different styles, like cordless, cellular, handheld, and rotary, but the truth is, the phone has officially reached a new high in relationship symbolism. is a phone call just a phone call, or is it really the almighty representation of how much he really cares about you? and a good man will know that and use this handy telecommunciation device accordingly. e-mails need not apply.'
'the word "busy" is a load of crap and is often used by assholes. the word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. it seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didnt care enough to call. remember: men are never too busy to get what they want.'
'"busy" is another word for "asshole." "asshole" is another word for the guy you're dating'
'you deserve a fucking phone call.'

okay, thats how much i noted when i read the first two chapters.
will update the rest that i noted till chapter 5 tmr since someone's hurrying me.
i find this book uber helpful, it informs you whether a guy is serious about you or just treating you like you're dispensible.
well, and remind girls to really learn and accept the mere fact that not all guys do what they preach and thats when you know, you should delete him both from your list and from your mind.

selfless, or just selfish?

yesterday, it was almost like the worst day of my life.
i got into 2 arguments straight in a day.
and i got so heated up that easily, thinking back, i really must have been pms-ing.
the first argument was with love, and it really felt like my world tore apart.
it was really a frightening moment, and i allowed myself to present my most weakest side of me.
utter disgust, and disappointment of myself.
nevertheless, things went fine after that.
but this was not the worst i got yet.
i got home, got into a really heated argument with my bro.
something that was actually nothing, but i guessed it was me who fussed things up.
it became a big deal.
&& bro hit me on the arm, following a tight slap for me when i provoked him to.
and seriously, i was damn shocked.
i shouted at him, louder than anyone could imagine.
i scolded him right at my mom's and his face. other than vulgarities, all the crude words i could think of were sprouted then.
then it went on even after my dad came home shortly.
it was 2plus in the morning.
it ceased, finally.
got to bed, but it was with tears, again.

but i really regretted what i sprouted out in a moment of anger.
i really do.
i knew that deep down, i must have hurt him equally hard like the slap had on me too.

haiya, bad day it is.

P/S. i bought two nail polish and duo eyeshadow this week! $$ fly-away!

gemini.

June,
A bubble has burst. A dreamy romantic fantasy you held in your mind has been revealed as something less than fairy tale ideal. The prince has become a frog, the princess turned back into the cinder-maid. Now it gets truly interesting - do you love them for who they truly are?

kinship; deeply rooted unknowingly.

yesterday, i was bloody sad.
before i fell asleep after receiving love's message, i cried for half hour.
my baby bolster was almost damped at both ends.
im fretting over things too much these days.
i just hope things get better and i could sort things right.
i cry at every little things, i felt so useless.
helpless.
i couldnt even be strong.
its like im at my wits end.
haiya, vexed.

gone.

i had a feeling i could be losing her for good anytime.

following up, i came to realised i abhor people imitating.
like hello? be original.
there's surely something you guys can come up with with your capability, if you consider yourself to have one, rather than being copycats.
in terms of dressing, hairdo, actions or even writings.
its kinda irriated me ttm already.
okay la, maybe people aint bothered to even imitate you but well, how can it be not?
i dont think people get what i mean but thats what i meant.
dont wanna spell it out lest these offend people.

i know im not perfect in any ways but well.
i must have sound arrogant in here, but reflect people.
gosh, whatever luh.
its seriously freaking irritating lor.
(zzz)

ohoh. and i really disagree with sardine's stand.
i regretted thoroughly organizing this gathering.
and i dont think people remain the same as before.
i never felt more stranger with this class.
some friends that i thought will stay the same, didnt.
even a slight change, is change.
or perhaps, if sardine didnt feel they changed, then the change must be in me.
because all along, im not an observant person to start with anyway.
im truly disappointed, its real, not fake okay.
and sometimes being alone may be a better thing?
im saying with a stand of being alone rather than having friends as company. (not being single/attached case)
because there's lesser responsibilities and lesser hypocrtical situations to bear.
most of all, you are the planner, and you're also your company.
no disappointment, no freaking emotional flare-ups.
isnt that way far better?
there's a lack of the "missing" element in our gathering i guess.
you know...?
like "i miss you class! lets meet up?!"
no, nothing of such luh.
waste of my time, when all i do was looking SO forward to the gathering.
(sigh) cant helped it too, its people's decision anyway and you cant really point a gun at their forehead and force things.
cause why, in the end, both parties will only bear hatred and hostility.

maybe i could have alittle more fun if i stayed a little longer,
but i bet it cannot amount to the love i feel just with love's presence?
its not about the boys-over-friends theory, but at least he made me feel my worth and importance then.
well, hate me people, i dont effing care.

worried.

so dead!
where should i go from here?



a sudden inspiration, flow of thoughts.
you know, some friends are better forgone.
especially when all along you are the only one putting in effort to maintain the relationship, or friendship you call it.
because ultimately, some people dont appreciate and deserve all these treatments.
and i realised i have come to abhor people who doesnt appreciates your presence. maybe i've gone through too many of such situations, i've come to see people's true colours as well.
both in relationship or friendship.
i see how little effing effort to continue any conversations and thats when i realised.
maybe they didnt consider you as a really close friend even when you do, thats what i call one-sided or wishful thinking on your own part.
and of course, the most realistic and practical thing to do is just to shun away, forgo that friend from your list cause they aint going to freaking be bothered with you, and then, why should you?
maybe you're better off dead they thought.
but well, they should too.
idk, but this post concerns more of friends i guess.

of course, there are friends that deserve your second look and attention.
you knew them inside out, unlike some others that you dont even know when you're gonna be stabbed in the back, when all they do is appear nice and angelic infront of your godamn presence.
nevertheless, i never wish to pinpoint anyone.
its just a moment of thoughts.
ohh, whatever.

HELLO PEOPLE. GET A LIFE.

fcking pissed with people who doesnt appreciate all the effort that their own classmates forked out everytime a gathering is organized.
we spent every single bit of hardwork and the cash to prepare for this gathering, people either reject at the last minute or turn up empty handed.
hello, you people got the cheeks to even turn up empty handed at this age?
fck la please.
it made us organizers realised that our effort have gone down the drain cause all along you guys dont deserve these at all. whats the point?
look at S17. everytime their turnout, no matter what it is, chalets, or just suntanning at sentosa, their class always show me they shared the kind of bonding and unity that S28 cannot compared with.
whats with all the envy and green-eyes, when we guys cannot even make one successful gathering everytime?
constantly, the result is always as such when some S28 gathering is
organized.
oh hell, its not even a CLASS gathering.
its getting all over me. my friends are kind enough not to fuss things up,
but i cannot stand such injustice okay.
what kind of a classmates are we?
all these 2years, just facades? mould people into apathetic souls?
what, exactly?
its kinda disappointment all these while you know?
sorry, but i pledged, along with friends not to make ourselves unnecessarily busy with such gatherings anymore.
the least we could do is just having small group outings. those that we think are potential turn-ups.
and thats enough.
fcking pissed, and at the same time disappointed.
when they say jc friends are friends that last a lifetime.
fcking bullshit.
and its you people that wake me up from this dream.
thanks a million people(:

happiness is not a potato.

i said i dont want to part this earth, if i got to do it solo.

The power of doing anything with quickness is always prized much by the possessor, and often without any attention to the imperfection of the performance.

pheromone.

an invisible chemical that exude from living organism, causing all the attraction between the different genders.
thats what makes you and me together.

do you know whats worth fighting for, when its not worth dying for?

revenge.

let me think of a better bloglink now.
and i like that picture up there:)

i hate it when we end it this way.