sensitive tooth/teeth suck

everyday somehow i will let my thoughts wonder into the world of jobs.
i dont know whether this is normal or not
but i still sleep regularly,
meaning i did not lose my sleep for this thought of mine, yet.
will NIE really be my last resort?
but i have 7 ear piercing and some attitudinal problem,
am i really cut out being an educator?

i mean, yes, a young girl's dream is beautiful,
but we are speaking reality here.
look at ma face.
prolly the principal would ask me for tea at her office more than my students do.
life is really crazy.
life really is.

on a lighter note,
its coca steamboat with sardine and rebecs on monday (:
which on a heavier note,
money money flyaway!

BKK trip is really just round the corner.
i dont know what will happen there.
i mean i have a big time green-eyed monster living inside of me.
whats wrong with me?
but sometimes i hate how he could treat his friends/friends' gf better,
talk more, laugh more
fcking attention not on ME.
but all i spent is on him.
so i've decided,

as in of now:

i shall shop like im on my own.
its MY trip.
i shall be happy (:
im not letting these monsters in me engulf the last bit of me.
i am letting go.

letting all go.


now,
SHALL WE PARTY?

what has become of me

what is still inside of me
that you cannot see
nor feel
is supposedly my true self
whom i cannot meet
nor touch
is supposedly just mere me.

hello me,
im writing this to you right now in the midst of the hazy weather and crazy hot day. i would like to request you to show yourself soon, because any further delay would mean a part of me will die. i know you have a relationship, and there have been ups and downs. i know you had hidden yourself because you are afraid but really? i always thought you are formidable and invulnerable. but maybe only you know it yourself best. weird isnt it? yet you dont know about yourself still.
i guess searching your inner self has been a 22years of cultivation and still ongoing right now as i speak to you. dozens tons of things weighing inside you could have come to an end. but you are just so soft inside that i cannot bear to let things go. or is it merely you doing yourself a disfavor? yes, thats it. you are just trying to torture yourself right from the start!
go let yourself loose.
go let yourself off.
alright, im waiting for your reply or signs soon.
off to shower, ciaos.

cheers, I.

happy bd eve to myself

many a time and again as i go beneath my pride to salvage things
you dont realize
you dont appreciate

do you even understand that
i will give up someday
somehow

unlike you who gives up every moment
that im already so used to giving in

that i will breakdown

today?