Day 15: In Advance

as i wrote this
i wrote this in advance.
this feeling of loss gets greater and deeper as the day goes.
as i was asking questions in the previous post,
i wasnt really seeking for answers.
it was just some rhetorical questions,
for myself.
for some thinking over,
for some reflections,
for some time myself.

i didnt want to care about how others feel anymore.
i want to start caring about how i feel.
what i feel about now,
what i feel about the past,
and what i really feel about the future.
i thought i've ponder about the future too many times already.
but i just want to feel assured.
by someone.
whoever.
just some one.

no matter how i deny,
the organ at the left of my chest,
must admit that,
im still waiting somehow.
i saw resistance.
but that doesnt let me go.
and im still waiting.
undeniably.

maybe im just afraid i may be right about some things,
thats all.