Day 14: Irediscent

as the days near,
i got this mixed feelings.
was i hoping for his return, or was i just hoping for serenity?
waiting on the edge of unknown,
what was i hoping for?

i felt the gravity of tempered grace,
falling into empty space
with no one to catch me in their arms,
what was i hoping for?

when i saw a friend of his tonight from his return,
i felt this emptiness in me again.
i wanted to leave at that very instance,
i've always want to escape.
i want to shake him away in my mind.
i had to leave.

was i faking a smile,
or was i really happy?
and what on earth in this 14 days,
did i really hope for?

i have not heard the calling within me.
i have not heard it.
and perhaps still searching,
what exactly was i searching for?

a friend said he didnt cherish me.
but what if roles changed,
what if aggressions changed,
what if i was part of this?
what was i hoping for upon this?

and what was he hoping for?

safety,happiness and well-being of his as i prayed tonight for the one i love, again.