Free Fall

because life doesnt slow you down.
while you live, you learn.
I learn a lot but still refusing to learn some.
escaping because im afraid.

but how long more can I escape?
reality is an inception that I wish I could no longer hold it back and then fall.
free,
fall.

I dont know why im stressed

will the chance come for me?
I've and doing my best for searching of job.
but will that one chance, just like university vacancy,
open for me?

上了瘾，再说。

也许能填补空洞，
可能将抽空一切。

累了，就回家。

while im whole body on fire,
there was a splash of water saving me:

sardine: "because my family also treat you as family already."

how can my friends not give me up,
when i've already given myself up,
and when the one that i hope dont give me up,
gave me up totally again, too?

i teared at this sentence.
i know my friends wanted to see hope in me.
and they knew i wasnt all hopeless yet.

the fact that my eyes welled up,
i know it myself too.

刚好而已

I need to free myself.
trying hard not to overthink and that will be the end of another misery.

should I smoke?

vertigo hurts

i dont want to feel happy.
more like, i dont want to feel happy because that will make me not me and guilty.

more so if its going out with another person as if im making use of that person time to make me feel better.
its like this is MY ritual. i need to deal with this alone.
going out with anybody else is just a temporary measure.
it wouldnt last, i know that.
in between moments when im with myself, i am with myself. and i need to be alone.
i really do.

being with people makes me sad sometimes.
especially big crowd.
because it makes me feel tired.
tired of smiling and hiding that real underneath feeling of emptiness that shouts:
"hey. please stop talking. i can use a silence now. right now."

i like to amplify that silence. i like to feed that silence.
i want to feel that real silence which is gnawing on me every second.
just to constantly remind me,
stop falling into love.
just stop right there.
dont take it another step, further.
red alert.
s.t.o.p.

i shouldnt rely on the idea that, i can still count on him as a friend.
because, at the end of the day.
now i really feel a need to.
just be with myself.

i can have friends, i need close friends.
but gaining yet another 'friend', is nothing more than just another friend.
so that is it.

i really hope you live happier.
like, even if it means willing to change for your other.
by that time,
i believed im already better.

到底还要伤几次才够

一開始沒人看好這段愛情
但是我總覺得不愛可惜
一開始沒人看好這個決定
但是愛情是我們的 憑甚麼由你決定

就算愛到了盡 多苦 多悲 多傷心
至少我們曾經那麼的用心

我把全部都給你 不留一點餘地
就算孤獨 寂寞 傷心 也是剛好而已
我把全部都給你 因為這叫愛情
但是我只希望你 我只希望你照顧自己

為了愛我們都曾傷透自己
在這戰場上一敗塗地
但我並不想從此小心翼翼
就算輸了愛不能輸掉真心