every day will shine with positivity, if only you let yourself have it.

do we really wanna know some things that we hold contempt to

dreaded. at 3.5 years into this job, am i really tired of it,
or am i dreading of its bleak prospect?
or what?

more of it
i question my existence being here
sometimes im just so sick

will i stay here for good?
if really i wanna be a mum soon
maybe...

well, isit time for me to say
leave it to fate...?

"you like because, and you love despite"

"you like someone because of  all their qualities, and you love someone despite some of their qualities" (-Set It Up)

found this really meaningful on one of the blogger i followed on Dayre as well (Gillian).

i really like her...everything hahaha just like the quote says.

***

alright, so the plan is like, staying at his place for the time being while we find a "fengshui suitable" flat. sighpie
tbh, its really troublesome. really.
i feel like im imposing on their whole family, like switching rooms with his sister and a little bit of hacking and buying a new double bed etc.
i cannot imagine how burdened will i feel staying there.
should i just stay weekdays at home and weekends over? damn.
decisions decisions decisions.
might have to discuss this one with the man IN CASE its too sensitive to the rest of his family.

BY THE WAY, MY FCKING BED BASE JUST BROKE LOOSE  T.T

asked YL for best price from her aunt cos she's in furniture biz. needa bed real soon.
and i want a queen size one! cos if can get good price for bedframe + mattress, then still can contain all my plushies on bed...WHY NOT. my room got space hahhaha

just need to clear out stuff soon.

***

job cant satisfy me.

138

2018 MARKET ADJUSTMENT

thank you

after so long they've decided that we are underpaid
thank you ah

but some colleagues didnt get them
especially the E1/2 colleagues
i dont know whether they've been just in their salary package
or a conspiracy relating to their grades
i guess its just a world
full of unfairness and inequality again

but maybe this still cannot make me stay

get set

life takes a little surprise

"没有你  我不会有今天“

that was a phrase
always used by one of my prisch friend
who had a very controversial character
but in her life
im not sure if i was the one who saved her
or 'harmed' her
leading to a life she has now

hahahha. its quite funny now we talk about times in the past.
i must say i was surprised
she was the one who texted me at 00:10 today
happy birthday

earlier than anyone should have

but thank you

thank you for not forgetting me
even though for a short while
i doubted your sincerity and effort in this friendship

for this moment
谢谢

记忆把时间带走 回忆却不放手

4:28am

"toxic relationship"
"extreme"
"triggered time bomb"
"cant marry me"

will i say all these in heated arguments
or is it just
me pushing limits and playing mindgames

sometimes i dont know
if i am toxic
and abnormal
or just inherently untrusting towards men

you know
despite all these
at the end

he said he still loves me
and want to be together with me

am i the only one sicko
and psychopathic

or just

in itself

crooked

***

woke up at 7am for work
i am so bashed up by reality
and toggling between zombie and human
i cannot recognize myself anymore
what am i
and who is there to tell me

***

Suits (KR) is quality drama
maybe should dl netflix for the US version one

***

Wok of Love is just shitty plot
only watching it because of Jang Hyuk

***
**
*

so fundamental
yet so crucial

validation

normal as it seems, but not always for everyone. i learnt a hard way to not get trapped in the self-proving and validation-seeking from others, especially in social media. so often than not, i find myself looking at the no. of likes and thinking if the captions and angle of the photos were ever good enough. just to get recognized, assured, relevant etc. but all these were nothing more than just a facade, illusion, virtual reality.

i used to write or blog not having to find someone read them. it was alright. writing is writing itself. writing heals oneself. well, now posting status updates, tweets and photo instagram are gratifying enough to know that we had someone as audience to view and to please. it was hard to kick the habit, but it was even harder to find what was lost. ourselves.

i hide some people from my ig stories and i realized, i dont post much anymore. the feeling’s great, but could have fed something else onto something else. but nonetheless, it feels great. really. to not satisfy others or wanting self validate from these mediums. these are all nothing but fake.

so it is to life.

lets just not use such approaches, even if the rotw are doing it. and even so, lets just be us.
if we ever forget and got lost again, let us come back here someday and realize again that we do not need these stuffs.

we are self sufficient, we are we.

passing time

dedicated to those who try to smile despite the pain they are feeling.