i do it any how

“一个属于我的世界，容许我的鱼鳃纷飞起舞，再狠狠地呼吸存有的氧气。”

在我十五岁以前，我只知道这个世界好像只有我家拥有这个姓氏。那也并不奇怪，因为有多少人愿意承认自己的姓与某种动物的有关系呢？可是，如果再阅读下去的话，就会知道仅仅一个姓的关系其实并不是那么可怕的。恰在中三那一年，第一次碰触与我同姓的居然是在中学华文课本中某篇章的作者——朱自清。大家在中三就应该知道这人物了吧，就在他那篇感动人心的《背影》里头，所描绘了父亲送子的场景。真是感人肺腑啊！别误会，我家其实跟这位文人一丁点关系也扯不上，只是凑巧与我同姓，仅此而已。

后来，我在想。原来姓朱的也可以有这么文艺的名字。自清，自清，清者自清。多有墨水啊！我的姓虽然与他相同，可为什么读起来好像指涉中国古代《西游记》里的某一个人物，恰恰就是最丑最笨的那一个！老爸常说为我取的名字又好又妙，当中也藏有深广的涵义呀。霸气十足，杰出过人，人如其名。对，老爸就是那么自豪。可我觉得这名字就好像我生命中唯一的污点。大家应该也猜得到，我的名字就叫——朱霸杰。

我其实还有一个洋名，但似乎好像大家都忘了，或根本无心记得。大家都连名带姓地叫我，却又不注重语音，总是沦落到“猪八戒，猪八戒”这么叫的。所以直到中三那年，我是多么痛恨上学，多么讨厌华文课！我的世界就像黑白电影的放映，每一天每一刻，我都想钻进一个巨洞里，除了猪，我更想当鸵鸟！

放学后，总是只有我独自在家。老爸每天会吩咐我把他那心爱的罗汉鱼喂饱，不要让它饿着，之后就出门干活。那只罗汉鱼听到老爸对我每一天的促咐似乎也知道我叫什么名字了。不然，为什么每当我靠进鱼缸时，它总是会用一种诡异的眼神看我，眼里似有若无地露出嘲讽的神态。我的名字居然连一只罗汉鱼都能嘲笑！

这天，我弯下腰，用我赤红的双眼瞪着它。它也仿佛睁大眼睛看着我。怎么它那么大胆，竟敢和人类姚虎扬威！我不甘心，更不会喂它，看它能嚣张多久。只见它在鱼缸里游来游去，闲情得很。老爸真是不知道脑里少了哪一条筋，居然把这条没用的鱼带回家里养，还说能汪财，能福佑，真是枉费老爸的一条心啊！

再看看，罗汉鱼不再游动，而是默默地原地踏步，摇摆着尾巴，保持浮度。我静悄悄地仔细一看，发现其实它还真美。一身好像披着金黄色的甲，很华丽、很软滑的样子。鱼鳞上还装饰着几个红斑，好像是大家所说的，是他们带给我们的幸运数字。难怪老爸这么疼惜这条看似普普通通的鱼。

我陶醉地望着罗汉鱼，罗汉鱼深情地望回着我。我们似乎有了某种通感，彼此欣赏着对方。我向往能像罗汉鱼那样，不被我那讨人厌的名字缠住，虽然只是一个鱼缸的世界，但是有我需要的氧气和安宁，那就足够了吧。罗汉鱼却向往有条腿，能走能跳，跑遍世界各地，不束缚于仅仅渔缸的空间，还要呼吸着无限的空气。

我望出鱼缸，看见朱霸杰在那里盯着我，很久。

好累

感。恩。

我不知道上辈子
修了什么福
能做个人

祈祷。

恋

醉过才知酒浓
爱过才知情重
你不能做我的诗
正如我不能做你的梦

couldnt give time a shot

I dont know what change are we talking about here.
one moment you could be sweet the other you could just be back norm.
is it actually something that I couldnt complement you with or just this is so me gemini?

all the boomboompow music is killing me and rioting in my head. all I need is peace. moment of tranquility. couldnt have gave me that you dont know.
quiet outside riot inside.

im riot outside very quiet inside.
thats all I know you didnt know.

现代诗

石头的堆积
被海水 覆盖
终于走出 胸口

海枯石烂
通过眼睛
奔跑

曾几何时

I think afraid is already so much an understatement that I tried to find another word to better express my love for you.
maybe its a good 3weeks to reflect, or not to think. maybe it acts as a breather for us. or maybe its just like 'however I think'. nobody took a step back to look at mine. but everyone else has to for you.

maybe you loved me all the same but I loved you a little lesser to come to terms with us.

inside out

around 6 more days and he will be back.
I cant stop wondering sometimes if its gonna be the same when he comes back. or will it be different? but most likely it will still be the same I guess.

I think I really look at him now differently. after I know some things are really just that difficult to promise. or just easy to break them.
maybe we are all the same. we have secrets.

and tonight I feel like crying.
I really want 413 badly too.
I really want things to work out inside me.
I really feel tormented sometimes.
I really dont want to talk.

how is this going to be different for the first time when the rest of the time its almost the same?

寂寞下手毫无分寸

he's in brunei for the first night!!
omg im so lonely ):
around 18 more days to his arrival back to sg.
omg how am I gonna surviveeeeeeee.

im so clingy yeah I know.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013

我都不敢再许愿了
反正也做不到!

hahaha
save more moolah return debts go travel.