then maybe, we werent just the same.

perhaps its not gonna be the same anymore.
how empires or dynasties split because their lords have differing opinions and thinkings.
like xiang yu and liu bei, classic example.
they did, in the end try to hurt and harm each other's ways.
maybe you and i have really different ways in dealing and managing some things. maybe i shouldnt have depended some things to remain the same.
maybe as i grow, i've changed.
and just maybe, you did too.

yes, i dont deny im rash, wholly impulsive.
but thats just me.
if you couldnt change in some ways,
i bet i cant too.

maybe our friendship has strained.
maybe our friendship has met with a dead end.
maybe i just wanted to share how he had changed, and for the better.
but just maybe, you didnt wanna listen.

maybe i was wrong that time could refurbish one's thinking.
but then again, i was perhaps just so wrong.

maybe i will settle up my debts so ppl would not doubt my credibility.
then perhaps,
we may head different routes.

its a pity, but i had to prove.
i had to save my pride.

p/s. thinking back, if i had known you for at least good 7years,
i just got to tell you. i've known him for a decade. maybe not too whole, but you and me? proves otherwise nonetheless.

reincarnate

in heaven, she will bless her people from
above.

it was the ever first time in the entire life.
i attended a wake last night with boy's parents.
its a christian devotee one.
she's neither close to me nor even related i guess.
but how can such pity and pain develop in me gradually as i sat there for just few hours?

then i figured out why.
why i felt this pain in me in the hospital and as the wake progresses.

because i imagined myself in my teacher's shoes.
as a child. as my mother's child.
and i swallowed that sourness that brimmed my oesophagus.
it was not that difficult to relate life or death under any circumstances.
because we are all passers in this world.
we will leave.

we must leave.

as her godson, love is affected deeply.
how not to?
first time too, in my life i saw a big boy like him, tough on the outside, yet feeble inside, did cry. afterall.
pains me all the more.

yes.
and with death as distance,
all else of arguments or quarrels,
do seem insignificant eventually.

cherish.

落空为了下次的填补 来世还会再续的缘份

圣诞
原本就是带来祝福和平安的
今年
略不同
多一份感动
多一种感触
夺了的生命
换来另个生命

在这季节
发生太多
有好
更是
有坏
不定好像特定
多变万化
太理所当然

失去换来重生
落空换来填补
在世换来来世

换来换去
总会轮回

dont stop believing

it was a hard night last night.

maybe the world could doubt us,
maybe the world could leave us,
but we wont.

i think i love you better now

the title says it all.


"Grant yourself a moment of peace, and you will understand how foolishly you have scurried about. Learn to be silent, and you will notice that you have talked too much. Be kind, and you will realize that your judgment of others was too severe. Hasten slowly, and you will soon arrive."
Ancient Chinese proverb (via human-voices)
(Source: peacefulseclusion, via pacingalong)

got me

embarrassed max.

在乎 在意 在一起

every night we will talk over the phone.
every time i found out a little bit about him.
i dont mind doing this everyday.
i dont mind spending time like this.
i dont mind a lifetime with him.

i realised i like his cute parents.
i realised i like his culture.
i realised im being me at this moment with him.
i feel, really comfortable too.

i do not know if its different this time.
i do not know if its us final this time.
but it doesnt matter as long as im happy.
so does he.

sometimes i know i cant win fate nor future.
sometimes i know. i know.

its us against the world.
this may not last but this is now.

people cry not because they're weak.

because they've been too strong for the longest time.

13/12/11.
nice date huh.

所以不再为爱而爱

反省
我觉得我得真正好好花些时间反省反省
人性的犯贱 我好像彻底重犯好几回了
却又似乎理所当然
在什么熏陶底下似的 我已经无法控制和良心的对话
甚至已经到了无余地与良心谈判的地步了
很糟吧
我想是吧

可我没说这些都是错的

只是一般人无法接受
仅此而已
要不然 这种现象也应当普遍吧
我只是做了别人不敢做的事

这种无承诺的付出
好像比较适合我
没有所谓的压力
没有无必要的忧虑
没有可怕的负担
说白了
是自由的

我当下是吓愣了
但是是接受的
无疑

「感情」这档事
原本就不否定犯贱的位置
而程度的深浅
根本就不存在、不可言
犯贱
就是犯了
对吧

当然
我不想这么快就认定
这一切是虚伪的
可以这么理解为
这是一种自我保护
因为它不带有完全的感情
却也不是玩耍
只是当下
可能感情流露
流露的原因只为了愉悦

它是特定的
不是更换性的
那就真的犯了滔天大罪
可我没有
也无能

可怜吧

the unfinished heaven

been walking around town for many many times ever since school term ends. especially when exams ends, the most frequent place in this country is nothing but town. this country is so boring. or is it that there are other cheap thrills that we have yet to discover? i wanna have a picnic outing. at somewhere like the botanic gardens. and circle line does reach there. but oh god, im so packed this week. and next week? some plans here and there and course reg date is next wednesday. i wonder what i will get. the term always ends at the most unfateful manner and starts in the most confused way. but i still look forward to every start of the semester but always always dread when its coming to an end with all the reports and exams coming up. i've always love just checking out my mod's lecture and tutorials. but oh well, nothing else. oh yeah, and there's my course's librarian. i wonder if he ever notice me subtly checking him out. cause i'll always act nonchalent but you know, these are all acting. and xmas is coming up. i wanna hang around new people. maybe new faces can get me starting afresh. or new habits or new muse or new thrills could all feed me. year2 is coming to an end after another new term. and it will be the third year hanging around the same familiar environment. seriously? i hate to graduate. but i hope friends could come attend mine. family too. its once in a lifetime right. capture the moment. and and, i want a camera. gosh, i wanna play sims too. and an iphone. maybe i'll wait an iphone5 just like my friend waiting for iphone4s. so many many wants. but what i really need is just money. im looking out. and i have one p6 boy recently. he's v tame. i like him. no more bleak future.

more money.

笑声是会传染的

今天
钞票的减少
被一群朋友的笑话笑声
给填补了

快乐多许些

她说她盘旋在两者之间

[回头草]

不适合恋爱
不适合交往
不适合重来

昨日
一人乘着地铁
前往无头绪的车站
到了差不多大巴窑的站时
有个高眺的男生
走进地铁车厢里
是我的那个车厢里
不止
手中握有《Starbucks》的一本厚厚的书
站在我面前
而我坐着
则是握着《楼下的房客》
读着，但已经彻底被动摇

有这么一点不专心

恰好
逮到了
不知是什么的机会
有个婆婆上车
我连忙让位
第一次
没有犹豫地让位

结果
发生了很奇妙的一个现象

我就握着小说
他就握着novel
我们俩
并肩
站着
读书

那个画面
很熟悉
就像《推手》的情节一样
是对立的
但又很圆滑的融合

当下我就在想
如果我是导演
我会采用我们

所以
身为机关繁复的人
我原本想在乌节路下车
但因为想让画面逗留些
我继续旅程
因为差不多到了尽头
我便不依地准备下车

不料

他也下车了

但我没有跟踪他
也许不想那理想破灭
深怕看见他走向一个女孩，所以
我们各走各的
嗨
只剩下那跟踪而已

所以
我开始无聊走逛
不知觉又回到前天的Starbucks
继续小说内容
很无聊的下午
但这无聊从小说代替了

傍晚
已经预约了[回头草]的饭局

叫他[回头草]是因为
他真的是我曾经的[回头草]
不用解释得太明白吧
是上两届的
我根本没法跟上一届的碰面
上一届的对我而言
还是很危险

所以
我们就吃了
他也理所当然抽了根烟
我就差那半公分
把烟放在嘴角
狠狠吸进肺里

当然
我没有

后来
找个地方开始聊天
聊上无数的话题
是前所未有的
很畅怀的

原来我们可以这样

这是最理想的
虽然他有搭着我的肩
我的腿稍微也有事没事地碰撞他
无疑是暧昧的
但是最乐观的
所以

这又不妨呢

后来
他得到联邦去了
临走前
往我手里塞了十快钱
我的推辞好像从来对他无效
可是我没有塔计乘车回家

最后还是遵守不吃[回头草]的原则

这是昨日的星期五
有点放松
有那么一点快乐些。

jailbreak

when all you could was smelt it
and then lick it
and taste it