no one notices the contrast of white on white

to pick the differences in the similarities
to sort out the sinners in the saints
to compartmentalise life in death

because we have been too divided in our stance
too divided in what we perceive to be
we divide us
and allow the world to function only two-sides

but what is white on white
and what is black on black
how right is right
to know how wrong is wrong

we've all been blinded
clouded in our judgment
shut off from all voices

individualistic
narcissism
solus
lone

where do we stand
who are we with
when are we gone
how.

是逞强 或坚强

though it would be 2012 soon, i still hope it will be a good semester and year ahead (:
cause 2011 sucks.

something borrowed

does this world function in such a way
that we borrow and lend
borrow and then lend
take and then give
take and give
receive and sacrifice
receive and then sacrifice?

so much so
everything we had seems like we only borrow them
seems like its on temporary loan
seems like a while

its not stagnant
nor forever
its just
something borrowed

life doesnt even last
how can things do?
(if you dont consider life after death whatnots)
but we are somewhat passerbys in each other lifes
passing by in this world
just this once

we came alone
we're gonna leave alone
no worries
and then
no attachments

numb is all i feel

I really thought you were the one
It was over before it begun
It's so hard for me to walk away
But I know I can't stay

You're beautiful and crazy too
Baby, that's why I fell into you
Even though you would pretend to be
You were never with me

So it's over, yeah we're through, so I'mma unfriend you
You're the best I ever knew, so I will unfriend you
'Cause I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Now it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

I thought in time that you could change
Time and love would heal the pain
I didn't want this day to come
Now all I feel is numb

So it's over, yeah we're through, so I'mma unfriend you
You're the best I ever knew, so I will unfriend you
'Cause I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Now it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

You come on to anybody
Everybody all the time
You give up to anybody
What I thought was only mine

So it's over, yeah we're through, so I'mma unfriend you
You're the best I ever knew, so I will unfriend you
'Cause I should have known, right from the start
That you didn't have a human heart
Now it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

So I'mma unfriend you
So I'mma unfriend you


* * *
everytime relationship fails
it never fail to destroy a little of you inside
and thats when you start to feel a little more indifferent
a little more apathetic
a little more numb

and all you need is time to recover
time to regain
time to heal
and get back all the mistrust displaced

then again
with time
you'll be back
with a way back into love
(:

只有把自己搞累了 就不会对这世界厌倦

是不是
长大后
就不会
再单纯

* * *

i came back so late everytime.
i lost track of work.
i lost track of driving.
i lost track of tuition.
i lost track of studies.
i lost track of myself.

i lost faith and trust even.
in this bloody damn hell world that we are living in right now,
just as this moment when i typed this.
worse still, i lost optimism.
what is without optimism in this fallen world?
i cant imagine the world outside anymore.
it couldnt be any better.

and then again, what is hope?
was there ever true hope survivors?

麻木

i've been skipping dinner till late night.


P/S. 只是那种连续省跃每一餐都不会饿的感觉 你不会懂

your final destination

i guess everyone has a dream in their entire lifetime.
at least one.
it would be scary if someone lacks a dream.
i heard from a good friend, that we have to realise the distance between dreams and deadly reality.
so much so that we thought we were already one step closer to our dreams each time we study harder or do some elses things,
could we all have been wrong that whatever we do,
it pulls us further away from our dreams?

sometimes
its better to travel than to arrive.
or maybe most of the time.
not settling in the most fundamental way is something that hangs in my mind all the time.
it is the exposure and experiences that everytime we step onto a foreign ground, everything is new.
the fresh air
the fresh monuments
the fresh architects
the fresh people
the fresh faces
the fresh souls

i've been travelling with my mind.
i hope i could for physical in future.

be strong, then stronger

i held back my tears every moment when i feel it.

there are other world to sing in

how come people hold on even when they know its tiring?
please knock some sense into them soon.

time to buck up gpa!
yawns.

自我。自利。自私。我。

cyno ball just get better each year i guess.

* * *

freeing oneself in the mind is no doubt the most challenging task ever.
the more you want to forget or pushes yourself to,
it comes back to huant you consistently.
the more you ignore, the more you remember them.
so more is not less.
more is, just more.

but such a life like mine,
to be incomplete is to be complete,
to have less is to have more,
to hold on is to let go.

and to face it, is to escape.
a freeing, and escapade for my soul.
thats what i love.

to be simple is to be sophisticated,
at the end of the day.

diaspora

HC360 is interesting.
more so when there's a joker prof.
i really love this mod.
maybe even this sem, though craps like HC204 still haunt me.
but its gonna be the last time, no more shits like ancient literature which tortures and taxes the mind heavily, without fail.

i learnt something even in introductory lecture today.
something that exist in everyone of us though we do not phyiscally find ourselves so.
"Disapora"
a really new notion and idea that instinctively allures me.
i guess i agree to "the more the connectedness, the more distant we all get."
just ponder.
(even in rs, where the guy would get into their "caves".)

im sure i would never know such notion if contact was spared from the novel and this module.
i guess some things in life, i would never get to experience and exposed to if contact was spared from the lectures i attend and the travels i've been with my novels.
but this doesnt mean i understand human beings already.
everything is just the tip of an iceberg.
because i appeared to not even understand my self.
which spare the others.

still,
the lady in search of her word.


P/S. 时间会把我把你都变成了回忆

learnt

i had been upset for the longest time.
it should have been in may.
and im only letting it all go now.

why the drag?
why the held on?
why the salvation?

all i did was to let my heart go blind for a moment to not face the truth.
all i did was to let my heart go stray and lose myself for that period.
all i did was to let my heart go with my heart and not my mind.

im so glad, so relieved that im free.
because in sync with saggittarus,
gemini loves freedom too.

im a lover, not a fighter.
as always.

P/S. DRIVING IS FUN MAX.

what is miracle if it happens all the time

i realised i cant pass mine.
i did nothing to salvage.
and this is not me.
its still stinging inside.
i shall try.

but whatever outcome it is,
acceptance is my stance.
at least, i knew i wanted to give it another try.

new

somewhere in other parts of the world,
there are people who happens to be like me.
single.
free.
young.

it doesnt matter how much times we fall,
or had fell.
but we pick ourselves up each time,
stronger, braver.
maybe i had put it the harsh way,
i want it to be.
its harsh but also the shortest and fastest way to erase our good.
when you were away, i asked rational questions.
for once, i thought rationally. i concluded.
#1. i may not really understand you, just like your friends do.
#2. i may not be the one you're looking for.
#3. i may not love you as much as i thought i would be.

it would be selfish to keep you.
it would be best if you hate me.
then i calm down and started all my nonsense just to let you see.
i do not really need us together anymore.
i cannot face a stranger.
i couldnt love a stranger.
thats when i decided, and its not that painful afterall.

im not healing, im healed.
for all the time you're gone, you're already gone.

* * *

ALRIGHT, NOW FOR THE THINGS I NEED TO GET/DO:

#1. roxy ruffles bikini @95$ (orchardcentral)
#2. get down to the beach, suntan and read novels
#3. attend exercises/event/outings
#4. pass my driving
#5. get a car
#6. TAIWAN TAIWAN TAIWAN

gosh, i feel so alive.
i'll do what i do for year1 sem1.
and discreetly, blessing my eyecandy who has been ever since i stepped into uni.
(: