xenophobic

its very funny why i start to prepare something for someone, when we dont know what the future beholds. its funnier when you know that the only thing that future holds is: unknown. well, if you say we could plan something for the future, your plans change anyhow. and it changes to circumstances that happens in future, and that is still really unpredictable. we could all only expect, but we couldnt really know what lies ahead, can we? so what happens when our expectations and predictions surfaced as untrue? or whatever we hope for in the future doesnt hold? what if everything goes the wrong way, the way that you least expected and least hopeful about? humans are really funny because they knew their hopes would be dash the moment they raise it themselves, why do they still dare dream? what made them do? what didnt hold them back? what makes them unhesitant? what exactly drive them? what motivates them?

seriously. i gave up on my future. not exactly, just yet.
but somehow, i guess i couldnt win fate anyway.
why not let it figure out itself?
why not take a step back rather than suffocate myself all the while with things that are non-existence and doesnt have a concrete form itself?
why not learn how to relax a bit like the rest, perhaps i would be more carefree and less obstinate in things that arent meant to be?
why not learn how to take a step back and get a better, bigger picture of how my present life is like? why hang on, and hold on to things that are uncertain? why then, be stubborn?

i should get myself a religion/faith soon.