together, just to be separated?

"michelle chia and shaun chen speak up on their divorce."

shock.
shocked.
shocking.

that was my instant reaction when i came across that piece of very bad news when logging into my email this afternoon at HSSFAL.
damn, how hard is this?
they only got married for 3years.
at the least, 3 faithful years.
and i bet they had a long time together before marriage commences.
how is relationship strong?
and all they could reason was personality differences?
what was the damn courtship period for?

or was divorce as easy as marriage in the very first place that much considerations are neglected?
why go through so much to get together and then leave so easily?
alright, maybe it was difficult.
maybe it was difficult to make it stay.
maybe then, leaving was better than staying.

this is so complicating to comprehend.
humans are simple.
its relations that make them sophisicated.
endless reports on divorces never fail to diminish that little faith in me each time.
how good is that faith when its only a lie?

how big, how far, how long, till the time?

P/S. didnt had proper dinner for so long.

真的怕安静 不想去也硬要出去

我又帮自己 订了场电影
结果坐在 广场找你背影
人来了又去 我好怀念迟到有人会发脾气

手机有收讯 简讯不是你
打开了 更让人失望到底
你走就走吧 干麻留下每天没看完的韩剧
我想我真的怕安静 少了你吵我不开心
回家第一个开机 掩盖所有的安静
说不定我能够撑过去
我想我真的怕安静 连洗澡都要戴耳机
打电动声东击西 一停我又怕想起
念我和爱我的人 我没珍惜
你爱的歌手 又出了专辑
一样好听 可是特别痛心
歌词每一句 根本办不到还硬劝我要放弃
把闹钟 设不停 或许我 会清醒
我想等下去可惜爱不能靠毅力
要是我 挽回你 你一定 更伤心
爱一个人不一定要永远在一起
真的怕安静 不想去也硬要出去
逛闹区到KTV 点你必点的歌曲
怎麽合唱的人不是你
原来我这麽怕安静 是怕再也听不到你
在厨房大声唱歌 在沙发硬跟我挤
让我终於晓得 我有多爱你
你已不在 这里

i dont know why, but perhaps songs like that touches me.
where do you prize us?

爱让人沉沦

我还记得
每次看见你
心 就像爬了2层的楼梯
扑通扑通 地乱跳
虽然只有2层
我的心 还是难以平复
这 是每一次见到你都会发生的奇异事件。

可是她就渐渐少了这种莫名的震撼
她就慢慢地在等
一直都在等
下一次的经验
下一个奇迹
可是 没有。

there's always something more to life than relationship, isnt it?
we could all live without it, somehow.

下一个我

你能知道我在想什么
你能知道我要的是什么
你能知道我在意的到底是什么

对不起
这些问题都围绕着我
以我为中心
我很自私
我很自我
我很介意
我很固执
但我更想知道
你到底怎么看我
到底我算什么
你是否把我当一回事

为什么要让我极度缺乏安全感
为什么要让我嫉妒一切的所为
为什么对我你却能这么残忍呢
两颗心能有几个问号

你不知道
这些夜晚
我是怎么过的

不完美 而完美

那些缺点
哪些优点
那些瑕疵
哪些好处
那些缺陷
哪些益处
那些我有的
哪些我要的
那些我得的
哪些我想的

恶劣态度
脾性起伏
性格怪异
情绪波动

你能应付，能控制，能接受吗？

平淡 然后平静

平淡是什么颜色
平淡是什么味道
平淡之中 又是什么感觉

平静是喧闹的敌人吗
平静是吵闹的朋友吗
还是因为杂闹只是离开一阵子 让平静替代了

平淡过后
带来的
是平静吗

平淡
不是白色
不是蓝色
不是单一的颜色
（虽说白色是彩虹色 七合为一）
它是 无色的吧
因为再淡化下去
也不可能成为有色或更无色
无色 也只有 无色

平静
也只能在凌乱不堪的时候 找到
越是杂吵越是平静
心 才会开始静下来 整理 秩序 安宁

平淡过后
平静

算了

原来 他算了

从前的很多事 我都做的事
今日 却改了 没那个习惯了

但 出乎意料的
他竟然 算了

确实有点感动
但感动是否因我没算
而他反而算了
我 不想猜疑

原来
其实
反正

他 算了

perhaps we have different expectations altogether.
maybe we have different ideals.
afterall, we are different.

i find myself facing this constantly but i really hate being disappointed.
alright, i cannot rule out the fact that maybe it wasnt a really good idea to continue lingering on the thought that i could stay out late when i know i shouldnt and people will be angry and most likely worried as well.
simply, maybe you meant well, because there have been too much instances that i've jeopardised the situation. i know. but giving the false sense of hope that i could really get to see you yesterday, seems so firm and determined etcetc and then later on tell me otherwise bla bla bla. im not interested in hearing whatnots. just tell me you want me there or you dont. but we couldnt figure out an answer so i decided to head home. feeling tremendous regret, anger and foolishly, disappointed.

maybe you really meant well.

but i was bearing the hope you could do something more.
meetups with you really mean something very very important to me.
but how could you take it lightly like everyone else would do?
you would love to meet me doesnt conveniently equate to really seeing me physically.
oh damn.

its a week already.
it doesnt make a difference if this carries on isnt it?
we have different ideals and priorities i guess :)