seriously,
i dont even know it myself.
after so much, i no longer believe in counting dates/days.
but here i am, telling myself its the 13th day.
all the insecurity emotions, it should diminish.
or at least cease to exist.
but no matter how hard we try to deceive ourselves,
the future awaits us.
what the future lies and beholds, we will never know.
thinking hard for solutions for the problems raised,
i realised, really,
i cant find the solutions, let alone solve it.
and this is when insecurity surfaced again.
and no matter how hard we all try, we can never shove that feeling away.
we cannot simply ignore it as told to.
and only with time,
we can only flow with time.
nothing more.
i do not want to indulge in happiness too quickly this time.
i do not want to hastily proclaim that everything is finalised.
i do not want to know that i had everything now and lose it the next.
i dont want to experience acute pain in the heart anymore.
im just trying to defend myself.
all along.
当我不想要，他又给我。
当我有了后，他却把它拿走。
29DEC
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