a life less ordinary.

i’ll be damn if I start swallowing my opinions for the sake of keeping the peace.

suddenly when im switching back to english, im stucked momentarily.
so contradictory of human we all are.
used to blog freely with english; the thoughts and inspirations seem to flow and get to me all in english.
then i guess getting into this course changed me gradually.
somehow i feel that some thoughts expressed in chinese could give the words the meaning and feeling the way i wanted it to be, and could actually relate to people better.
like somehow, melancholic emotions gets through better with chinese characters.
and how argumentative send the message across better with english.
oh well. thats how i think it is at the least.
casue i always argue with my brothers in english and it really fuel the boiling point whenever we start. haha.
actually i wanted to blog about exams nearing and how unmotivated i am blah blah blah.
but i guess i'll skip that entire part cause perhaps i'll sleep blogging about it.
so tired of what nonsense attitude im giving to my studies.
the theory of 'grades are secondary' to me now.
but how easy can i escape this whole rat race thing?
seeing others highly motivated, spurred to do well, firm on not dabao-ing modules.
and me? ha.
shall stop here if not im gonna start all over again about exams nearing and how highly unmotivated i am etcetc.
actually i saw him twice on thursday.
both on a vantage point. i guess its all coincidence.
and the point when i start initiating conversation with someone i thought i like, it just means i found out that i dont really like him the way i thought i would be.
and then, i've thrown that burden out of the 11th storey window already.
it seems difficult to comprehend such emotional conflict i've been struggling within me for the past months. and im really not okay, infront of my family, my friends and even him.
now that i look back, its really silly.
cause all along, i need nobody. i like, in fact, enjoy greatly being with myself.
the kind of absolute freedom to do the things without being watched and bounded?
like, i love watching movies alone because i dont have to care if people would like the movie i've decided to watch; i hate being asked for opinions/decisions because i mind if people like the suggestions i gave (comparing when im alone, i decide what i want); and i love being alone undisturbed, lest adding on to the list of people i decided to be unhappy with.
and so the list goes on.
yes, im extremely judgmental anyway. and extremely opinionated.
but i dont have to care how others view me to be, neither do i need the others to treat me the same way too.
we are separate, we are individuals, we are different entity altogether.
so we dont have to mould others to be like the way we want them to be.
at least i dont really feel like being part of the mainstream.
even if it means being alone.

i want a life less ordinary.


有些事，明知是错的，也要去坚持，因为不甘心。
有些人，明知是爱的，也要去放弃，因为没有结局。
有时候，明知没路了，却还在前进，因为习惯了。