圣诞除夕

今天
或说 刚刚
我和他 真得差点就分手
像他们所说的
its now or never
可是我拉住了
我不舍得
我放下身段
我折腰

如果说男人都是一个样
不如说
女人更是一个样

他说
狠狠的
cruelly
你留住我的人 但留不住我的心
这是今晚最伤人的话
我还以为
真的

完了

我的泪 是真的不知分寸

流
流
流

但好像始终留不住他

我真的
尽力劝他
因为我知道
那个心情那时
是真不可理遇
的想死

最后
他给我最后的机会
我也好想崩溃似的
以为只是名誉上的在一起
then I screwed it again

I held his hand with my nails on his flesh
painfully in me
I feel it strongly
and told him I can be promiscuous again
no more commitment
just pleasure

可是这时他更气的对我说
fuck you. you really think I treat you as a toy. where's your moral. where's your values.

不知是谁气谁
我激动发飙
without you, where's my moral where's my values. its you who say you wanted to commit. I could be the same me in the past.

久了
我们累了
他累了
我受不了

但是今天
他给我机会
等于我自己给我机会
他给他机会

机会
真的很难得
在错的时间 对的人
在对的时间 错的人
谁是谁非

在一起
爱着对方
才是珍贵
才最重要

感恩时间
感恩机会

merry xmas (:

泪也流了
应该往前了

生日快乐 我对爸爸说

最近我一直很沮丧很沮丧
哭了哭
闹也闹
只是心里还是一样闷闷的
不乐

我好想一个人
又同时两个人
我们的吵架成为了习惯
我的不快乐成为了同伴
就算是现段
我还是含着泪
写着

怎么了
我怎么了
变得如此地步
如此狼狈

T.T

they couldnt defeat what had already won

when romeo and juliet came together
they knew they were burdened with their whole family names
drowning upon them
they took courage
but still
tragedy happened.
because we cant win fate.

we cant win history that has already took place so real.
because two families of difference cannot be stacked and blended
because maybe they couldnt defeat
what had already won

因为我们都有错

昨晚前晚
我哭了

今晚明晚
不知是否

我会如此
是因为我不确定自己对了

还是别人真的错

十万个为什么

为什么我不是普通青年
为什么我哥哥能玩整年
为什么只有我内疚逐年

还有很多为什么
不被我释怀困解

我其实不埋怨

how ever

how do you ever get in someone's life, imprint or etched it well enough to impress and then cherish? if you get what i meant. what i meant was, how do we even come close enough to be important? sometimes i naively thought i could well be it, but no. tell me more. there's something call a 'gap', or well be 'distance' between, huge enough to overcome. i guess i just couldnt acheive sanity enough. if we could well treat us to be fairly important, well, the 'gap' just couldnt count. but we didnt had the same stance and well, this might just be it. over and all out. needless to mention about effort or say, time. the train of thoughts just got me dillusional. how should i ever earn my merits in this life?

i need money.

laugh.love.life

I realised I've neglected my blog, if not blogs then. been busy w school, friends and really, love. I can already imagine life without studies since holidays is really just a week later and school starts in a month's time. its quite amazing how we managed to stay this way, together, for the longest time? just staying at home, under the comforter, nuaing like there's nowhere else to go to. you know? I cant exactly describe that I hate it but I kinda enjoy it sometimes. cause im really like a couch potato or just a lazybony. really. I dont quite get myself most of the time too. isnt this so like gemini? dont know what they are doing most of it lols

I guess my gpa will really suck this sem. I shld start using s/u next sem. and not be over confident already. start to feel my feet on the ground soon. I cant wait for all the christmas festive mood surrounding and dancing around me! I love christmas so much and more each year! really cant wait and have me jumping in bed already!!

would like to really enjoy movies w all my bffs soon or just some simple fare at home. and most importantly, I need to repay debts badly. still my priority.

wishes for next year 2013:
my family to be in good health.
I would get married at year 2017 w the same person im with now.
and make me rich overnight!