吃虧就是占便宜

you will never know the force and way of life so deeply

until it influences a fundamentally strong friendship

just by a mere interjection of another relationship

that you have decided to sail into future together

i wont say it is wrong

but it will be

when you come up with different excuses

to shirk responsibility when it was already agreed upon

and try to screw other people's future

then yes

that is so wrong

and could i say

this is a misinterpretation of human character

and it will not always be the same

because life is winding and long

and people change

i cannot comprehend and will never accept

the change so big and influential for yourself

but do not bring upon this change and influence

onto others 

because you thought leading your life is larger and more important than any other

i cannot condone this

and will not align with this ever

我們眼中的哥們

可能不是想象中

這麽挺我們

努力未必有結局

在這個世界上
有愛是不夠的

我又獨自回家

it will never get easier

it is so hard to say
to say that i will trust you wholly
and little things like this will not happen again

not because you're in the wrong
or im in the wrong
just some part of me
i dont want to care anymore

i dont want to care the fact that
so many things i could care
but i dont need to anymore

and so
it will not happen
from today onwards
i promise not you
but myself

but do you know what that means?

if there is one thing you regretted

that would be not living my own life up till university, and sometimes even now.
listening to what others expect of me and how my life should go about.

that was my regret up till now.


i was replaying the events and sequence of my wedding programme in my head nowadays.
i really want a thank you speech.
and whenever i replay the things i wanna say,
the things i wanna say most about was you,
ah ma.

that you should be here witnessing this moment.
especially for mine.
because you are one of my largest impact to who i have become today.
my values and characters.
largely are you.

and everytime i rewind this in my head,
i would tear. in my eyes, in my heart, inside me.

will you see me from above?

imy.

at the end of the world you see fire, & light

the end of your life
what do you want to achieve?

doing ridiculous things
being adventurous about the wrong things at the wrong time
is that what you can do best?

i guess we are tired
your parents are
i am

what exactly are you seeking for?

you know, i despise you.

our fears

i guess

no matter how much abhorrence one bears against another being

when faced with a common fear

we could still set aside differences

and gave words of encouragement

thats what i did yesterday

knowing someone trembling in fear

even tho i didnt like her

i told her things i would say to a friend in need

as a being 

i think we should be more than ourselves

we should be able to differentiate 

hatred for some characteristics/flaws

but never for circumstances

that could happen to anyone

i cannot say i am proud of myself

but i can say

i grow

i grew

***

i had a minor sprain yesterday HAHAHA

every day will shine with positivity, if only you let yourself have it.

do we really wanna know some things that we hold contempt to

dreaded. at 3.5 years into this job, am i really tired of it,
or am i dreading of its bleak prospect?
or what?

more of it
i question my existence being here
sometimes im just so sick

will i stay here for good?
if really i wanna be a mum soon
maybe...

well, isit time for me to say
leave it to fate...?