everything that im holding is everything i cant let go.
18(?)JUNE
MY FAVVVVVVV SENIOR.(ABOVE)
woah.
this is long.
meetup with my long-lost seniors!
well, glad to see them and have a quick but dense exchange of updates in our life.
god, its been so long since i last met them!
and i must say my fav.senior has grown to become a more beautiful lady!
and she's so smart, she's getting into ntu biz course straight after poly.
this is simply awesome!
seriously happy for her, from the bottom pit of my heart.
haha.
we arranged to go pubbing for senior's friend's birthday(:
sure looking forward to it.
and totally looking-forward-to-getting-my-own-lappy soon!
(way to go uni!)
weeks and weeks passed by.
its already end of june soon.
a reflection on my part, (oh well)
its been fruitful, ups&downs,
happy&sad, simply put.
many dramas and the many i watched and seen,
makes me ponder more deeply.
about me and my-what-the-heck relationship with people.
before i pinpoint others, maybe i shldnt dwell too much in IMpossibilities.
i thought for whatever i've done after that incident;
i appear less online,
i try to mask everything,
i put on a facade behind every other smiles/laughters/joy,
and i keep asking myself why and whatever for i did all these.
just like how you used to slap me with the question of: "what for?", "whats the point" blablablah.
and i doubt, question myself what/why the hell am i thinking this way.
yes, i admit.
maybe afterall, after so long,
im still not healed, i have not really gotten over you, and just maybe,
i still love you?
but thats not the point that wakes me up.
its the fact that you never seems to think or even try to hold me back, thats what works.
no, but there's no need to hate to give up.
there's not a bit for such need.
eventually, breakups are the only way to truly understand who, in the past or in the future, stands the most in my heart.
isnt it?
and thats what calms me.
oh, by the way, i found out meditation helps.
it really helps to find calmness in your chaotic heart.
alright, back.
maybe its true that we all need some time and space to grow.
i need space, and perhaps you need time.
maybe when im with you, i felt the suffocations gradually perpetually.
but i like that suffocations you gave me.
i must be mad to fall in love with all the forbiddens.
im not normal you see.
i dont deserve guys with better eligibilities.
im not worth.
but ultimately, i still cant withstand the temptation call love.
i dont really know why. perhaps i yearn for it??
okay. bullshit.
haha.
its just that im numb after the 3rd day.
those were the hardest period, no doubt it still haunts me now.
but im no longer dreaming about you.
for the fourth day already.
maybe if you ever ever read this, which i will forever doubt so, cause you're not the type who retracks i guess?
so if you do, well, it will be the day that i'll gladly be your friend again.
no hatred nor love.
just platonic friends.
and for this rhetoric of mine, maybe it'll never happen luh.
(lols)
just so you know, thats all.
you made me realised that love or getting into a relationship shldnt be something like us.
you jacked up my expectations in relationships.
you sharpened my senses.
you opened my dumb puny mind!
these, seriously not sarcasm please people.
they meant real.
to you, perhaps im the wrong-girl-at-the-right-time.
but to me, you're the right-guy-at-the-wrong-time.
and after us, we've become stronger.
if not for you, definitely me.
alright, alright.
i know people. its a little serious tone here.
on a lighter feathery note,
im dyeing hair tomorrow again with sardine @her crib.
fck yeah! :D
i've closed my door.
